June 28, 2009

I know, it's been a few days(?!?!) since I've posted. So, my husband, who has smoked cigarettes since he was 18, no longer does. He is still using the electronic cigarettes, and while we did run into supply and demand issues with blu, we have found a supplier that seems to be able to keep up with us. YaY.

Dietwise - so I am sort of sucking at sticking with the diet at night, however, during the day I'm usually fine. It's just that we make dinner, and then I have to make a separate dinner, and it just gets soooooooo monotonous. 2 dinners? Yeah. So I just have what everyone else is having, I just keep it normal.

Along with my metformin, I am also currently also using the Byetta shot. Per doc, patients lose a lot of weight while on the Byetta. There's apparently no way to guage HOW insulin resistant a person is. I have been taking 2 of the metformin a day, we suggested going up to 3 a day, and I asked him about the injection. So now I'm 2 injections a day, 2 pills a day. I've also gotten back into the gym routine, which is truly where my changes are going to happen, as I am really starting to see now. I believe the results are a joint combination of the medication I am on as well as my time at the gym. If I just take my medication and do not work out, no differences. Same vice versa. As I weighed myself at the gym yesterday, I am happy to report that I finally did not have to move the lower weight notch as far to the left as I have been!

A little more about me.... as this IS my "diary"....

So, as I left off last time, I hid my pregnancy very well. Bobby was staying at our house every weekend, and while he wanted to tell everyone right away, I was scared. I was more scared of my Dad than anyone. Kim already had an idea of what was going on between Bobby and I, whether she admits or not, she is a very practiced liar. As I said, she found my bad boy very appealing, which is how Bobby and I ended up together in the first place.

I honestly cannot remember why, but when I was three months pregnant, Kim and I had a blow-out. We (and by "we" I mean my brother and I) were no longer drinking every weekend. We hadn't had one party since we'd moved. And one day, she flipped over a bowl I had put in my rabbit's cage. I assume she believed I'd taken the bowl from our kitchen and given it to the rabbit (which, of course, had chewed the rim), but I, obviously not clearly enough, was trying to tell her the bowl had been outside since we'd moved in three months before. I hadn't meant the bowl had been left by the previous owner, just that I hadn't taken it from the kitchen, and that it had been outside since the time we'd moved into the house.

For whatever reason, probably my mouthing off, she began threatening me that I would not see Bobby again. I, pregnant, teenager, hormonal, and being allowed by Kim to behave mostly as I pleased, rebelled in a big way. It ended up with straddling me, banging my head into the cement floor of our new home. It was the 2nd huge beating I'd had from her. (The first was when I'd been in Nocona Jr. High, and I'd gotten in trouble in English. Mrs. McCoy's class - we all called her Ms. McCow. That time, she'd used an angle iron, soap, and a fan belt.)

By the end of May, there was no way to keep hiding the pregnancy. I hadn't really gained any weight, and I wore baggy clothes anyway, so it would still be a while before I started showing, but I had absolutely no medical exams, and Bobby was wanting me to admit the truth to my parents. He had already told his mother.

Finally, after moving a full fishtank one day, I finally told Kim that I thought I was pregnant. Thought was a little of an understatement, but I was petrified. This wasn't simply the mistaken placement of an orange plastic kitchen bowl! Kim told Dad, and after that, I was told I wouldn't be seeing Bobby anymore. Seriously?! The damage was done! When I would bring it up to Kim, she said it was Dad's idea. And then, one day, I found out differently. Shit, as they say, hit the fan.

I'd had Natashia, and Kim and I had already had the discussion about allowing her to adopt Natashia. There really was no consideration in the matter. Bobby and I were not allowed to see each other, which only increases the desire for two people to be together, even if the two people have nothing in common any longer. We wanted to keep our baby, and after all Kim had done the past year, there was no way either Bobby and I would allow another child to grow up in that type of environment.

The night everything exploded was the night I learned the reason I wasn't allowed to see Bobby was Kim's idea. That same night, I informed my Dad that everything my aunt had told him about Kim trying to have him killed was true. That is the same night I "ran away" after Kim told me to get out and never come back.

The next day, I was told by either Kim, my aunt or my grandmother (I can't remember, I just know it was one of those three) that if I did not come back home, the police were already looking for me and they would take me to jail and give Natashia to my mother. That wasn't going to happen. I believe my mother was with whoever told me that I would have to go home, because I remember making them let me in the car.

We went to Garland, to my great-grandmother's house, in which my mother, aunt and grandmother then took Natashia over. I wasn't allowed anywhere with her, and when Tashia cried, I remembered my aunt accusing me of not feeding her. "You haven't fed her, have you!" she'd accused in a tone that was holy righteous - all the while her children were in Bowles Home because she abused them by tying them to their beds.... I'll never forget those words.

I do, however, feel my great Aunt Margie, nor my Memmie was all too keen on what Kim, Carla, and Sue - my grandmother - were doing.

Once I was back at Kim's house, we found a note that Joyce, Bobby's mother, had brought him to our house to drop him off as she was moving back to California. Things were not working out in Texas for her, and from what I'd heard, Joyce's boyfriend was abusive, and it was causing tension between the boyfriend and Bobby. My world totally fell apart then.